Once upon a time, long long ago—in the 1980s—two children were born—Danielle Zuralow in northern Virginia in 1986 and Barrett Dwyer in northern New Mexico in 1989. These two children had no idea that they were destined to meet, fall in love, and eventually get married.

Danielle in the early years

Barrett in the early years

 

Fast Forward to April 2012

The two children, now grown up, first met by a chance encounter. In April of 2012, Danni had a birthday party that took place in a popular bar in Washington, DC. The owner had offered to close the bar to the public during the hours of her festivities.

Barrett and a couple of his friends were walking down the street around the time of the party. One of his friends proposed that they stop in the bar and get a beer. The owner of the bar had forgotten to lock the door and put up a sign saying that the bar was closed. As they walked in, the owner started to shoo them out. Danni told me that she looked over and saw that the young men looked interesting and attractive. She told the bar owner to let them stay. Eventually she asked Barrett to dance and the rest is history.

After Barrett met Danni’s family in northern Maryland, just outside of DC, he told me how much he liked her parents. He said,”Danni’s father reminds me of my dad, and her mother reminds me of you, Mom!” He felt right at home with them.

When Barrett and Danni moved in with each other, I traveled East to visit them. I was struck by how much I liked Danni and felt an immediate sense of kinship with her. I saw a beautiful young woman with a sense of adventure, along with a sense of humor and an open heart. Danni was strong and athletic. After high school she left the East Coast to travel across the country to go to Berkeley on an athletic scholarship. I had the sense that she had a brave and courageous soul.

During the visit, I had a chance to meet Danni’s parents. Danni’s father, Michael Zuralow, was born to Russian parents. During WW II, when his parents were teenagers, they met and married in a German POW camp where they survived in spite of the brutal conditions. The young couple immigrated to the US after the war ended and became professional dancers. Danni felt very close to her kind and loving Russian grandparents.

Michael appeared reserved and thoughtful, kind and intelligent—similar to Barrett’s father. Danni’s mother, Denise Bello, is of Italian and Irish descent. Her ebullient warmth, bright mind, and kindness made me feel right at home. When I was at Danni and Barrett’s engagement party last year, the neighbors told me that the people in their community didn’t interact with each other and barely knew each other’s names before Michael and Denise moved in and transformed the area into a real neighborhood. Now the neighbors socialize together and help each other out when they are in need. That information confirmed my impression of Danni’s parents as kind, generous, and loving people.

After living together for a few years in DC, Barrett and Danni moved to San Francisco. Barrett got a job as chief financial officer for a startup company and Danni landed a job as director of sales at a rapidly growing craft beer brewery specializing in gluten-free beer.

Danni and Barrett were together for six years before taking the leap into marriage. They had their civil ceremony at City Hall in San Francisco on October 18, 2018.

Barrett and Danni chose to have their wedding in Sayulita, Mexico, a little town on the Pacific Coast, north of Puerto Vallarta. They chose this venue because they wanted to give their wedding guests an opportunity to combine the wedding trip with an inexpensive vacation in a beautiful location.

Barrett asked me to say some words to bless their marriage. This is what I said, taken from The Art of Marriage by Wilfred Peterson:

Happiness in marriage is not something that just happens.

A good marriage must be created.

In the art of marriage the little things are the big things…

It is never being too old to hold hands.

It is remembering to say “I love you” at least once a day.

It is never going to sleep angry.

It is at no time taking the other for granted;

The courtship need not end with the honeymoon,

It can continue through all the years.

It is having a mutual sense of values and common objectives.

It is standing together facing the world.

It is forming a circle of love that includes family and friends.

It is doing things for each other, not in the attitude

of duty or sacrifice, but in the spirit of joy.

It is speaking words of appreciation

and demonstrating gratitude in thoughtful ways.

It is not looking for perfection in each other.

It is cultivating flexibility, patience,

understanding and a sense of humor.

It is having the capacity to forgive and forget.

It is giving each other an atmosphere in which each can grow.

It is finding room for the things of the spirit.

It is a common search for the good and the beautiful.

It is establishing a relationship in which the independence is equal,

And dependence is mutual.

It is not only marrying the right partner, it is being the right partner.

It is discovering what marriage can be, at its best.

Danni and Barrett, I bless this marriage with all my heart.